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Obama planning to address impeachment calls during State of the Union

Obama upset

President Barack Obama is set to deliver his annual State of the Union address on Tuesday, and according to early drafts released to the media on Friday, his speech will include a few lines regarding calls for impeachment made by a number of conservatives over … Full story

Are Gitmo inmates turning into hipsters? Prison staff say yes

Guantanamo Bay

Yahoo! News recently reported that inmates at the nefarious Guantanamo Bay military prison have been using yoga to combat feelings of deep depression and despair.  But this week, PTP uncovered a far more serious problem at “Gitmo” than the threat of suicide… according to guards and … Full story

Fellow inmates claim Justin Bieber “wanted prison sex”

Justin Bieber

Early Thursday morning, Canadian pop star Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami, Florida and charged with drunken driving, resisting arrest, and operating a motor vehicle without a valid driver’s license, after being involved in an illegal street race in a residential area with teenage Def … Full story

Subway naming new sandwich after First Lady Michelle Obama

Subway sandwich

On Thursday, First Lady Michelle Obama held a press conference at a Subway restaurant in Washington, DC, wherein she praised the company’s $41 million marketing initiative to promote healthier lifestyles to America’s youth over the next three years.  And later that afternoon, the company offered … Full story

Climate scientist frozen to death; was headed to global warming rally


[BINGHAMTON, NY] A climate scientist from Virginia was found dead in his car on Wednesday evening, after apparently freezing to death while driving to Syracuse University, where he was scheduled to speak at a global warming rally and fundraiser. Authorities say that Walter J. Evans, 44, … Full story

Colorado “pot shops” booming financially, but struggling in other ways


Since recreational marijuana’s legalization in Colorado on January 1st, legal marijuana-related businesses in the Centennial State have been booming.  Often referred to as “pot shops,” the media has reported heavily on the huge profits pouring into these companies.  But business leaders in this emerging market do admit … Full story

GOP State of the Union response to be delivered by Jesus impersonator

Jesus impersonator

In an astonishing media blitz Wednesday morning, a troupe of seven Capitol Hill staffers revealed that for the GOP’s official response to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address on January 28th, House Speaker John Boehner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor have chosen to forego … Full story

David Vitter shares disturbing pic while tweeting gubernatorial run

David Vitter

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) managed to haunt himself with his old prostitution scandal on Tuesday, after accidentally sharing a disturbing photograph of himself on Twitter while posting about his gubernatorial run, which he announced earlier in the day. At approximately 8:05 PM EST, Vitter tweeted the comment … Full story

Chris Christie gives wedgie to Democrat during inaugural speech

Chris Christie

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been swarmed with controversies lately, and on Tuesday, in the middle of his inauguration speech, he only compounded those issues, after pausing to give a New Jersey mayor — a Democrat — a wedgie, on stage, in front of a … Full story

GOP Budget Hawks to Announce Meth Sales, Possible Sex Tape

Crystal meth

WASHINGTON [Jan. 21, 2014] – In anticipation of the President’s State of the Union address next Tuesday, Republican budget hawks announced plans in Congress today to reveal a strict program of belt-tightening to reduce the nation’s $17 trillion debt. According to insiders, the GOP recommendations include … Full story

2014 Super Bowl mired in performance enhancing drug (marijuana) scandal

NFL player John Moffitt (retired)

A war is brewing over Super Bowl XLVII, and no, we aren’t talking about the one between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos.  This war, which might soon turn into a lengthy series of dramatic legal battles, is being waged over whether or not marijuana … Full story

Obama assures world that NSA spying won’t affect foreign relations

Barack Obama

In interviews with foreign media outlets that aired on both Saturday and Sunday, President Barack Obama made assurances to world leaders that the United States’ controversial domestic and foreign spying programs would in no way strain foreign relations or damage ties with America’s friends overseas.  But some are … Full story

Putin says gays welcome at Sochi games, lauds “special accomnodations”

Vladimir Putin

In an interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos on the show This Week on Sunday, Russian President Vladimir Putin stated that “everybody’s invited” to Russia for the winter Olympics in Sochi.  But in an unaired clip from the interview, which PTP acquired from one of the … Full story

Republicans stand behind Christie, downplay Bridgegate, other scandals

Chris Christie

A new poll released over the weekend shows that Republicans overwhelmingly support New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, despite the wave of scandals his office presently faces, and that many would back him in a presidential race in 2016, should he decide to run.  Most respondents went … Full story

Mike Enzi’s democratic challenger is… Mike Enzi?

Senator Mike Enzi

It was recently revealed that Senator Mike Enzi (R-WY) has approximately $1.8 million sitting in his campaign war chest, after primary challenger Liz Cheney bowed out of the race earlier this month.  Many are now wondering when a Democrat will step up to take on … Full story

Shocking poll reveals Americans elected poor Congress intentionally

dunce cap

An astonishing new poll released on Friday reveals that a majority of Americans have been voting to intentionally worsen Congress with terrible candidates since the 2010 midterms, following a trend that has been spreading virally through the habits of voters since at least 1996. The … Full story

Prince Harry leaving helicopter seat as sex scandal builds

Apache helicopter

Prince Harry announced on Friday that he’ll be giving up his role in the British military as an Apache helicopter commander, and taking on a new, PR-oriented role with the army.  But just a few hours later, sources are now saying the 29-year old member … Full story

Spy community outraged by Obama’s move to halt elements of NSA program


On Friday, President Barack Obama announced significant changes to the NSA’s controversial spy program, namely that the US government will no longer collect and store telephone metadata.  The move has shifted the national debate on domestic spying efforts, with many now saying Obama has made … Full story

Wednesday’s spending bill gives Interior Dept. video game allowance


The $1.1 trillion spending deal approved by the House on Wednesday will stave off the threat of another government shutdown until September 30th of this year, ending Washington’s vicious cycle of crisis-based budget management that seemed like it would never end.  But on Thursday, the media learned … Full story

C-SPAN snubbed by Golden Globes for 35th consecutive year

C-Span logo on hat

Despite being created by the cable television industry itself, C-SPAN failed to land a single Golden Globe award this week – for the 35th year in a row, the longest such streak in history. “Even Susan Lucci has won more awards than we have,” said … Full story

Rhode Island Senator To Perform S.1845 At D.C.-Area Poetry Slam

Senator Jack Reid

WASHINGTON [Jan. 15] – Sen. Jack Reed (D-R.I.) announced plans today to perform a spoken-word version of S. 1845, “Emergency Unemployment Compensation Extension Act,” at a D.C.-area poetry slam next week. “After a career as a U.S. Army Ranger, time in the Rhode Island state … Full story

New female conservative PAC raises $183 on opening night

Kelly Ayotte

A new political action committee aimed at bringing women into the Republican Party and raising funds for female republican candidates revealed on Wednesday that their Tuesday evening launch party was a bit of a flop.  RightNOW Women PAC only managed to raise $182.94 Tuesday evening, … Full story

Cities and States in US to honor “Game of Thrones” with name changes


Last week, a town in England called King’s Langley announced that for one week in the month of February, they’ll be changing their name to “King’s Landing,” in honor of the DVD and Blu-Ray release of the third season of HBO’s hit series “Game of … Full story

John Boehner’s Republican pollster uncovers startling GOP facts

House Speaker John Boehner

House Speaker John Boehner recently touted the results of a Republican pollster, claiming that for the first time ever, a majority of Americans blame President Barack Obama for the nation’s current economic troubles over former President George W. Bush.  But some in the media point … Full story

Media glad about end to “The Newsroom,” can go back to crummy coverage

Jeff Daniels

HBO announced on Monday that along with Boardwalk Empire and True Blood,  their show The Newsroom, starring Jeff Daniels and penned by Aaron Sorkin, will end after its third season, which is scheduled to air in the Fall of this year.  Fans of the show … Full story

Capitol bracing for possible ‘No Pants Senate Subway Ride’

no pants subway ride

In honor of Valentine’s Day, Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) unveiled a bill this week creating a first-ever “No Pants Senate Subway Ride” on Feb. 14. “From Sens. Bob Packwood (D-Ore.), John Edwards (D-N.C.), Strom Thurmond (R-S.C.) , to me and – let’s be honest – … Full story

Chris Christie investigation turning up questionable expenses

Chris Christie

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is facing a federal investigation into his alleged misuse of millions of dollars of Hurricane Sandy relief funds, with investigators particularly eying $25 million used in an advertisement campaign aimed at bringing tourism back to the Jersey Shore in the … Full story

Political figures take park in “No Pants Subway Ride”

no pants subway ride

On Sunday, tens of thousands of people around the world boarded subway cars without pants, during the 13th annual “No Pants Subway Ride.”  Participants are encouraged to act normal, as if there’s nothing wrong with the way they’re (un)dressed.  The event has grown in popularity … Full story

House budget chief Paul Ryan unveils plan to downsize Congress

Paul Ryan

WASHINGTON – Facing ongoing revenue shortfalls, federal legislators voted to downsize Congress, effective immediately. “I hate the term ‘downsizing,’” said House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.). “I prefer the terms ‘rightsizing’ or ‘streamlining.’ If we are to preserve this hallowed institution, we need to … Full story

Namibia to sell shocking “human-hunting” permits

black rhino

On Saturday, a permit issued by the small African nation of Namibia to hunt and kill an endangered black rhino was sold in Dallas, Texas for $350,000.  And just when you thought the story couldn’t get any crazier, Namibia granted more permits on Saturday that … Full story

Walmart developing space program, hopes to launch first rocket by 2016

Rocket launch

During a shareholder’s dinner on Saturday, retail giant Walmart announced their plans to develop a space program, with the goal of launching a supply rocket to the International Space Station by 2016, with loftier ambitions aimed for the next decade. Walmart President and CEO David … Full story

C-SPAN releases ‘112th session of Congress’ on DVD, Blu-Ray

freshman class of the 112th Congress

WASHINGTON – Following the successful release of “The Best of Traficant,” a four-DVD collection of former Rep. Jim Traficant’s (D-Ohio) blatherings from the well of the U.S. House of Representatives, C-SPAN today released the entire two-year 112th session of Congress on DVD and Blu-Ray. “Our loyal … Full story

Recreational marijuana legalization already tied to countless studies


The recent legalization of medical marijuana in Washington State and Colorado has ignited a new national debate regarding the use of the substance.  Numerous studies have been published in the short time since marijuana has been legal in both States, but some skeptics are saying … Full story

After ‘happy birthday’ success, Rodman announces plans to record album

Dennis Rodman

PYONGYANG [Jan. 8, 2014] – After the surprise success of his rendition of “Happy Birthday,” which he sang recently to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, former NBA star Dennis Rodman announced plans this week to release a new album. Currently topping the charts in … Full story

America learns Chris Christie really is the d-bag we all knew he was

Chris Christie

While the bloom may be off the rose in terms of most of America’s view of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, residents of the tri-state area (New York, New Jersey and Connecticut) say they aren’t surprised and aren’t sure they care.  Christie, who was reelected in … Full story

Republican 2016 hopefuls rejoice over Christie “bridgegate” scandal

Chris Christie

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is not having the best week.  The wildly popular governor just blew away his Democratic challenger and has been praised for his direct, albeit brash, approach and willingness to do what it takes to help his constituents.  For example, people … Full story

Satan angered over Statue in Oklahoma


Recently, a group of Satanists have proposed to erect a statue of a Goat-Headed Satan with 2 kids listening to his words at the Capitol in Oklahoma. Despite all the nay-sayers, this campaign has about half of the funds it needs to be built and … Full story

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