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Prince Harry leaving helicopter seat as sex scandal builds

Apache helicopterPrince Harry announced on Friday that he’ll be giving up his role in the British military as an Apache helicopter commander, and taking on a new, PR-oriented role with the army.  But just a few hours later, sources are now saying the 29-year old member of the royal family might be leaving the pilot’s seat against his own wishes.

According to the BBC’s sources inside Prince Harry’s army unit, which allegedly include one of Harry’s former Apache gunship copilots, the world-famous bachelor was involved in a lurid sex scandal involving his helicopter for at least two years, with the half-human, half-mechanical romance ending abruptly on the morning of New Year’s Day.

“[Harry] is a bloke that’ll stick it in anything with two legs and a pulse, or in this case, landing gear and the rumble of two turboshaft engines,” said one of the Prince’s former commanding officers.  “It should come as no surprise he was having inappropriate relations with his chopper.  I don’t think he’s ever had appropriate relations with anybody.”

One of his former copilots confirmed the bizarre scandal.  “When we were first partnered up, we were assigned a new chopper, and that’s when they met.  He walked up to the Apache, rubbed his hand sensually along the nose optics, and whispered `I can’t wait to be inside you’ into the glass of the cockpit.  That’s when I figured out how the cockpit got its name.  I’ve had a hard time riding in helicopters ever since.”

Harry and his helicopter were nearly separated in the summer of 2012, when the aircraft was nearly grounded due to a failed safety inspection, after a ground crew found lingerie tangled up in its tail rotor and fruit, lathered in whipped cream, jammed into the helicopter’s exhaust.  Harry allegedly stayed in the hanger working to fix the chopper all that evening.

It remains unclear why Harry and the helicopter broke up, but many are saying it involves a series of sexual encounters Harry had during his recent trip to the South Pole.  Because this is Prince Harry.  Even at the South Pole, this dude is going to get some action.

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