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Putin says gays welcome at Sochi games, lauds “special accomnodations”

Vladimir PutinIn an interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos on the show This Week on Sunday, Russian President Vladimir Putin stated that “everybody’s invited” to Russia for the winter Olympics in Sochi.  But in an unaired clip from the interview, which PTP acquired from one of the show’s associate producers on the condition we do not show it, Putin went on to explain that so-called “special accommodations” will be made for homosexuals visiting the games.

“Russia’s laws are meant to protect children.  But that’s not to say we `hate’ gays or aren’t willing to welcome them to Mother Russia with open arms,” Putin said.  “We’ve gone to great lengths, sparing no expense, to make sure gay athletes and gay sports fans are given special accommodations at the games, so they can witness history in the making at the Sochi games with everybody else.”

Stephanopoulos then asked about those accommodations, and Putin was all too willing to go into greater detail.  “We’ve created an entire facility just for gays.  A sort of `camp,’ if you will.  It’s really close to Sochi, in Volgograd, a short fourteen-hour drive from the games.  And I believe this hotel… a resort, really… is one of the finest Russia has to offer.

“The special Volgograd facility offers around-the-clock security from the finest armed guards in all of Russia, and it’s built in an old abandoned gulag, too, so anti-gay activists can’t get in, and none of their gay germs can get out.  The grounds have a pool, which was cleaned very recently in December… of 1998.  And there’s a massive 13″ television, boasting all of the high definition qualities you get out of black and white images that color screens don’t provide, with all nine of the State-approved TV channels we have in Russia.”

“And it gets even better still,” Putin continued.  “Once the gays get into their lavishly-decorated cell blocks, they’ll quickly realize that this facility fully supports all of the promiscuity people like them love.  There are no walls, only bars, which you can very easily see between.  We don’t want to put physical boundaries between their happiness.  And because of the quaint size of the blocks, five, six, even seven gays will be forced to sleep on the same twin-sized straw-stuffed mattress on the floor.  Do you smell that?  That’s the scent of love in the air!”

Putin went on to admit that the Volgograd facility does have a few drawbacks.  “Sadly, this facility is one of the few places in Russia with fewer than twelve shirtless posters of me.  But this isn’t because I hate gays, or because I don’t want them fantasizing about me when they’re rubbing all up on each other.  I just felt it would be better for them, for reasons I’m not entirely sure of.”

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