January 28, 2014 will mark the fifth State of the Union (SOTU) address by President Barack Obama. The SOTU is a requirement set forth in the Constitution, where Congress must ask the President of the United States to address Congress and the nation. In other words, it’s the only thing that Congress has done that has achieved a successful conclusion, in the days of the new “Do Nothing Congress.” Congress may not be able to repeal the Affordable Care Act, but at least they can invite the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States to give a speech to lawmakers. All said lawmakers have to do is sit on their ass, stare ahead with blank expressions and, in some cases, post whatever is going through their mind on Facebook or Twitter. For that, I say they do all three of those things successfully. They are a perfect 3 out of 3 and it is the only time I have ever given Congress a 100% approval rating.
The purpose of the SOTU is for the President of the United States to give an update as to what’s going on in the country and the plans of the administration for the country’s future. As it usually occurs around January 29, which is my birthday, I have always equated the updating of the country to her constituents to me updating my parents about my life and my plans for the following year and the rest of my life. As is the case of the text of the SOTU, my plans and goings-on come under the scrutiny of my parents, who are often more strict than the pundits on CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS News and the conservative masturbatory sensory deprivation factory known as Fox.
This SOTU will be no different than the others President Obama has given. In other words, it will be the perfect way to disprove claims by Obama’s critics that he is a secret Muslim sent to destroy the whiteness that they feel is representative of the United States. Once again, they will be proven wrong as the SOTU this year is scheduled to be in the chamber of the House of Representatives on the evening of the 28th and not blared from atop a mosque at five in the morning.